I need to take a deep breath and calm down. I’m so frustrated at the moment, and I can’t believe it’s not showing on my face. I’m not sure if I should get specific…I mean, this IS the internet and my blog is public…nah, I think I can narrate around it all.
You can’t expect people to depend on you if you are incapable of dependability. Period. And you can’t get angry if people stop depending on you BECAUSE you are unreliable. It’s frustrating when someone’s unreliablity keeps you off-balance, too. Since they’re unreliable, you can’t predict with any accuracy if they can or will assist you, or keep dates…or really anything.
Oh bloody hell. This isn’t helping. The source of my frustration is that I feel like I’m taking care of a three-bedroom house all by myself. I purchased the house with my partner 11 years ago, and I feel like I am the only one who cares about the upkeep. Not just the day-to-day chores, but like repairs and shit I have no idea how to do. Mind you, when said house was purchased, my partner mentioned that they enjoy “doing things around the house, fixing stuff and everything.” I’m not finding this to be accurrate, and I’m having a difficult time getting my partner to understand that I need help. Paradoxically, my partner is bothered by the fact that I do not tend to rely on them. Well…in my mind they’ve proven unreliable. Logically, it therefore does not make sense that I depend on them, correct?
As far as the house is concerned, I’m overwhelmed by the things that have needed to be done for years. I’m not kidding or exaggerating…YEARS. There are bigger/more expensive things, like a new front door; but there’s minor stuff, like holes in walls, door repairs, replacing ceiling tiles. Small stuff, inexpensive DIY things that might take time, but that are feasibly doable. They’ve gone un-done for a very long time.
Before you ask why I haven’t undertaken such things myself, I offer the following: I do most of the day-to-day care of the house, including the shopping and cooking. I work full time, and I do hit the gym three times a week. I honestly do as much as I can. It’s just that right now I am overwhelmed with it all. If I had known I’d be carrying the weight of the house myself, I would have opted for a smaller house!